I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
