I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have aggressive nipples.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
