gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
