people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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