So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
