porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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