I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize