She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
