you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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