So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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