Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
