Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
