every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Watching her eat just hurts me
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
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multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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