if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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