R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You need Xanax blowdarts
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
