Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
