I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
