i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
