just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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