After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
