They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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