i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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