bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
