if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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