The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
