Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
