susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
