i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
