i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
