I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
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I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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