I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
