Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
