Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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