I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
