it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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