Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
