this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
