Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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