I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
