I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
