after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
