If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
