I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
