It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
