Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
