Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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