I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
