wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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