the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
