We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
