i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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