some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
