Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish you could order shots online.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
