i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
