I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
