Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
tell me about the fingering
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