In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
