How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize