3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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