he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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