I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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