im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
