that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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