just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
