Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
