but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
