I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.