WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
two words: eviction party
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
