You just made me feel so damn special
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.