Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
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The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.