i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.