The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows