I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm having to shit out rocks
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