i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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