you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
